One Month
by CBloom2
Summary: Set after season 3. Sam coping  or not  with Dean going to hell. Written from different pov's watching Sam breakdown. See what you think...
1. Chapter 1

**So another of my 'old' fics rehashed. This is supposed to take place after the end **

**of season 3 when Dean has gone to hell.**

**It covers the first month after Dean has gone and how Sam is coping or not, from multiple points of view. 1****st**** chapter is from Sam's pov. Of course you know I love to cause Sam some angst etc and this fic is no exception!**

**Hope its ok! Here goes…**

**I don't own anyone you recognise – as usual.**

**ONE MONTH**

One month, to the day, since his brother had been killed by Lilith's hellhound, Sam Winchester dragged himself into the small, cramped bedroom that belonged to him whenever he stayed at Bobby Singers house. He dropped the heavy duffle bag that he had slung over one shoulder, onto the floor and proceeded to rummage through it until he found what he was looking for. He emptied the contents onto the floor and arranged what he needed in order of usage. Sam shrugged out of his coat and sat heavily onto the bed. He then removed his shirt as carefully as possible, as the material had stuck to his newly acquired wound.

He had taken the day off from research to hunt a werewolf that Bobby had mentioned.

He knew that his old friend would have gone with him but he didn't want to be responsible for the safety of other people, especially someone he loved. He was supposed to have looked out for his brother, and look how that had turned out. Quickly, he had found the werewolf and killed it, but not before it had managed to gauge his arm, leaving an inch deep trail down his arm.

Sam paused, staring at the weeping wound, almost as if something was going to happen to it just by staring at it. He poured some antiseptic solution on to it and hissed as it stung – but that pain was nothing to what he was feeling inside.

He knew he was beyond exhausted. He spent every waking moment either hunting or researching ways to find Dean – but to no avail. He hadn't had one solid lead since that fateful day. Even Ruby hadn't been any help to him – preferring instead to whiter on about how he needed to tap into his dormant powers. Sam had tried but it made no difference.

'What's the point in having these freaky ass powers, if I can't use them to save Dean' went through his mind, not for the first time.

He finished cleaning the wound and picked up the suture needle that was already threaded. Without thinking twice, he pushed the needle into his skin. He bit on his lip, in an effort to deal with the pain.

"Damn it Sam. Why didn't you as me to do that?" Bobby's gruff voice startled him. Sam's head shot up, his eyes meeting his friends fleetingly, before dropping his vision back down to the matter in hand, "I can do it by myself…" Sam whispered, "I've done it before…"

"Sam…" Bobby started, concern radiating from his voice. Unfortunately, due to his exhausted state, Sam misread Bobby's concern as disappointment.

"I'm sorry Bobby…" He gasped out as he continued to suture the wound.

"Son, you've got nothing to be sorry for," Bobby insisted as he put a hand on Sam's arm to stop him from continuing.

"C'mon, let me finish it…" He asked, tentatively, knowing how fragile the young man's temper was at the moment.

All Sam could think was that, yet again he had to be looked after. Jerkily, he moved his arm away from Bobby, "I can do it myself!" He insisted forcefully and began suturing again. Bobby looked on helplessly.

"Sam…I…" Bobby began, but Sam shook his head as he knew what the older man was going to do. He was going to try to make everything alright, when it so obviously wasn't, "No Bobby…just don't…"

"Don't what Sam? Tell me!" Bobby asked, frustration creeping into his voice.

Sam mistook the frustration for anger and Bobby could see the boy almost fold into himself in front of him and it scared him, more than he cared to admit.

Sam felt his throat close up – he couldn't look at Bobby. Suddenly, Sam sprang to his feet – not bothering about the bloody towels that fell to the floor, "Don't tell me that everything will be ok!"

Bobby took a steadying breath, "I wasn't going to do that boy. How can it be? Your brother is dead – nothing will make that alright!" He paused, trying to think of the right thing to say, "Nothing will change that either! But this…terminator routine of yours…it's gonna kill you!"

"I wish it would. I want it to be over," Sam whispered, as he turned to face his friend, who could barely hold his gaze. His eyes were so empty – there was no life behind them…and that scared Bobby. "Kid you don't mean that. You think that's what your brother would want for you?"

Anger briefly flashed over Sam's face – quickly replaced by hopelessness again.

"It's my fault," Sam ground out, "He spent his whole life looking out for me, protecting me, making sure I didn't go 'darkside', making sure that while ever he was around, nothing bad would happen to me!" Sam was pacing now as frustration and guilt battle for supremacy, "What did I do for him? I died – he made a deal to save my butt – I promised I would save him Bobby…" He stopped pacing, swaying slightly as he stood in front of his friend, who had stood up earlier in the hope of stopping Sam's constant pacing, "Bang up job I did on that!"

Bobby looked at the broken man in front of him, "I know you did son. You did everything humanly possible Sam…Dean knew that. He never blamed you – for anything, you know that don't you?"

Sam _did_ know that but even that knowledge couldn't warm the coldness that had settled in his heart since that awful day.

"I couldn't do it Bobby. The one promise that I made to Dean and I blew it!" Sam's voice held the disgust that he felt for himself at that time.

Bobby found himself unable to think of anything to say.

"I miss him Bobby," came a strangled whisper, and with those words, Sam Winchesters wall didn't just crumble – it shattered into a million pieces. Sobs racked his exhausted, thin frame as his legs suddenly decided that they couldn't hold him any longer. As he began his descent, his long time friend was there to catch him and lower him onto the bed, where they just sat with arms around each other. Sam, feeling a safe pair of arms around him, found himself relaxing into the embrace as the misery of the last month poured out of him, "We'll work it out Sam, I promise!" Bobby insisted as Sam's sobs began to quieten. Presently Sam calmed down enough for Bobby to hear the change in his breathing, indicating that he had fallen asleep. Bobby laid Sam down on the bed, managing to take the young mans shoes off, and then covered him with a blanket. Hoping that Sam would have a restful sleep Bobby brought a chair over to the bedside nonetheless – he wasn't taking any chances.

**So that's the first chapter. Any good? I've got chapters from others points of view, but I'm really quite unsure about whether to post them or not. We'll see…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to all who reviewed etc – really appreciate it. So here is chapter 2 – it's this chapter and the remaining chapters that I'm not sure if they work or not – I'm sure you'll tell me.**

**So here's a snippet from Bobby…**

Chapter 2

Bobby sat down heavily in the chair by Sam's bed. He was thankful that the young man was finally getting some rest. He had never seen him as bad as he was now. This was tearing Sam apart and by default, Bobby.

He reached over and brushed some hair from the slumbering man's face, then chuckled to himself, 'Look at you you daft idjit' Bobby thought to himself 'like something from Dr Phil.'

He lifted his cap so he could run his hand through his hair in frustration and began to talk to the boy he thought of as a son, "I wish they'd been something that I could've done to help you and your brother Sam. God knows he deserved better than that. You know me Sam, I'm not into all this touchy, feely crap that you are but I've got to say that I'm missing your brother something rotten. I think you know that you're both like sons to me and having one … well, gone is killing me too. But Sam, you've got to be strong, Dean wouldn't want this for you…" He sat back in his chair as weariness overtook him.

Then he looked up towards the ceiling, "Dean, I wish there had been something, anything, I could've done to help you – to stop your deal – hell I'd have gone for you if I thought they'd let me. You've always been so brave, if a little cocky and stubborn, not to mention an awesome big brother to this guy here. You have left a huge hole in my life which will become a chasm should I lose Sam too. If I'm honest with you, I'm terrified that Sam will do something stupid! I'm not sure what I can do to help him…"

He stopped abruptly as a shudder ran though him, bringing him out of his thoughtful state. Sam moaned in his sleep and turned over to face Bobby. The older man grimaced at the dark shadows under his eyes and the lines of stress on his forehead, the kind that doesn't smooth out even when he was asleep.

Suddenly, he felt a sure of emotion that was quite foreign to him. He really did love this boy, more than he cared to admit. Again he leaned forward and gently touched Sam's forehead, watching with amazement as Sam's face began to relax under his touch. He and Dean really were the sons he never had and just like a father he would be there for Sam, and Dean, if the unthinkable did happen and they got him back, and he wouldn't let them down.

"I don't know how…I don't even know if it can be done…" he whispered as he tried to swallow past the lump that had formed in his throat, "I won't let you down kid. If there is ANY way to get Dean back, we will! We'll leave no stone unturned…and I will be with you every step of the way!"

He relaxed back in his chair when he saw a ghost of a smile play on Sam's face.

**A.N - Doesn't really sound like Bobby does it?**

**Because these chapters are so small I think I will post this next one together with Bobby's, then leave the last chapter as a standalone. Onward with…**

"Thank goodness Sam has Bobby…" Mary Winchester whispered to her husband, "I don't think he'd get through this without him."

John nodded in agreement, watching the scene unfold below him.

"I'm just glad we could give him a dreamless sleep for once. He's been suffering like this for a whole month and we haven't been able to do anything about it until now! I hate being up here, on the fringe of everything, yet powerless to do anything about it!"

Mary understood her husband's frustration. It had torn them both apart seeing Dean's deal come to fruition. They had seen it all. They could still hear their oldest son's screams as he was being torn to shreds by the hell hound. Their youngests' desperate cries to Lilith to stop played over and over in their minds and hearts like a broken record – yet there was nothing they could do except watch and agonise – and they were still agonising now, only it was their only living family that was causing it. Mary had never seen Sam's dogged determination to find something, but John had and he was now regretting that trait in his youngest as it was causing him to breakdown.

"Is there anything Sam can do John? To get Dean back?" Mary asked her husband, hoping against hope that there might just be something.

John was still entranced by the scene before him, but nodded, "There may be something…may be there is something he could do with his powers…"

He knew he was clutching at straws but he wanted to give Mary some hope.

Suddenly he jumped up, "This is so frustrating! We should be there…to help him. I mean look at him. I knew that he'd do anything for Dean and vice versa, but this…"

Mary stood and put a calming hand on his arm, "Honey, you raised them well. They are both a credit to you. I have no doubt that if there is a way, Sam will find it…" She looked away as she felt her eyes sting and quiet tears began to fall down her face, "I just hope it doesn't kill him first."

John saw and felt her tears, and swallowing his own he took her into a strong embrace, "Be strong son. Remember all we taught you. We love you so much," He ended in a whisper as he felt a lone tear track down his cheek.

**Not really happy when I read these two small chapters back, but hey let's see what you think!**

**One more to go, who do you think the last chapter has in it?**

**Please don't be to awful about these chapters! lol**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok I get it, the last chapter sucked! No reviews! Boo! It wasn't the best I've ever written I will hold my hand up to that!**

**Anyway, this is the last chapter, coz I suppose it would be a shame if I didn't finish it off. It's not a long one…**

One Month – Chapter 3

"Well, well Dean – would you look at that! Poor old Sammy reduced to a snivelling shell of a man – having to be put to bed like a baby. To think, we were supposed to be ready to follow him – I'm glad I didn't put my eggs in HIS basket!"

"You just shut your mouth – you have no idea what you're talking about," Dean growled from his prison.

All manner of demons had spent the last month taunting Dean with images of his little brother. Although Dean had been glad to see Sam getting on with his life, he hadn't been able to overlook the fact that Sam was becoming increasingly more reckless nor that his physical and emotional well being was on the decline.

The demons had been affording him small glimpses of his brother, usually only when Sam was at a low ebb – then they would laugh at him and by default laughing at Dean, which the older man didn't take to kindly to.

"Sam is, and always will be more of a man than you'll ever be!" Dean spat at the latest monstrosity taunting him.

The demon cackled in his face, "He's more of a man than you'll ever be," it sang, as if singing a children's rhyme.

"I'm just glad that he's not my brother," It sneered, " It must be so embarrassing for the almighty Dean Winchester to see his little brother breaking like that…watching how pathetic he really is…'I miss him Bobby'"

The demon was making fun of what Sam had been saying to Bobby when his defences had finally fallen.

Dean growled again as he strained against the chains that held him there, desperate to free himself so that he could finish this damn demon off – once and for all.

In his heart he knew how badly Sam must have been feeling to actually open up to Bobby like he did, it also tore him apart to hear it. The last thing he was going to tolerate was for some low life demon to belittle his brother.

"Now you listen to me, you low life piece of filth that is not fit to even be scraped off my shoe – the last thing my brother is, is pathetic – and he certainly doesn't embarrass me, far from it – if anything, it's the opposite. He is the bravest man I know and I'm proud that he is my brother! I was a wreck when he died, hell I even made this damn deal cos I couldn't live with him dead…but Sam has got on with his life…" he had to pause as emotions cascaded through his body.

As the demons cackled amongst themselves yet again at the thought of Sam as some brave soldier, Dean concentrated on the image of his slumbering brother, "I will be back Sammy! I promise!" He vowed as a lone tear threaded down his cheek.

Not sure if it was any good but I have finished the whole story now so it's all good.

Reviews are nice but if you only read it and don't comment I still appreciate it!

See you next time x


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